Death List Ten
1) French Vanilla
2) Fudge Brownie
3) Makin' Cookies
4) Mint Chocolate Chip
5) Oreo Cookies'n Cream
6) Pink Bubblegum
7) Pralines'n Cream
8) Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
9) Strawberry Cheesecake
10) York Peppermint Pattie
Ever since Honey Vanilla Häagen-Dazs ran out on me without even leaving a note on the dresser, ChinoTrojan has been consumed by a plot for methodical retribution on the frozen dairy hussy and all her wanton kind. I intended to swiftly snuff out the impenitent scoops of saturated fat and empty calories, but execution of the blueprint to convert the local Baskin Robbins into my personal abattoir was thwarted by a swarm of Crazy 88's.
There was a horde of hopefuls waiting in line for the 31 cent scoop celebration (ref. "SOL if You're Lactose-Intolerant"). Had I been in the dark about the reason for the gathering, ChinoTrojan may have speculated that The Man Himself was personally handing out FASTPASSes to His divine digs.
Alas, no revenge served tonight, and for better ends. Short of people holding hands and caroling "Kum Ba Yah," I witnessed 31 flavors of creeds and cultures peacefully enduring the s~l~o~w procession from down the sidewalk to inside the parlor. In fact, my glaring rage was effectively softened by the cheerful countenance on the myriad merry moo-vers who, in the profound words of Mr. King, just got along with each other. No, not Martin Luther--Rodney Glen.
Prescribed by Baskin Robbins' awesome promotional campaign was fumigation for the wild hornets' nest of current international diplomacy: Put down the semi autos and pick up pink, plastic spoons; scatter rainbow sprinkles in place of spraying full metal jackets. Have you ever seen the demented stare of Private Pyle on the face of someone eating ice cream? If so, it's only a consequence of the distraught individual arriving at the bottom of the cone. ChinoTrojan doesn't sport a doctorate in history or IR, but I profess that Adolf was a lactose-intolerant fecal-face, so my point on this should be crystal.
Like compassion in my soul, Honey Vanilla has been restored in my life, born again as Vanilla Honey Bee Häagen-Dazs. I've made peace with ice cream, so dig in and chill.
WWJD? Have another scoop.
